The differences between love and lust are not widely understood. Quite often people think they love someone, only to later understand that only lust (passion) was involved. This can be particularly problematic if it happens to you, as you might be thinking that a new partner is in love you. You begin to plan your future together, and start to fall for your partner, only for the other person to later realize that they didn't really love you - they just had a "phase" with you.
Does Lust Lead to Love?
Some people claim that lust leads to love, but that doesn't seem to be the case according to some experts on the subject. It appears that contrary to popular belief, sex does not lead to love. Sex is just sex, it doesn't have to lead to anything.
Sex Is an Important Part of Every Relationship
Just because sex doesn't lead to love, it doesn't mean that it doesn't play an important part of every relationship. The fact of the matter is that unless two people can sleep together for prolonged periods without having sex, and still being happy, they are not really in love yet.
Lust Is Purely Physical Attraction
According to a leading expert on the subject, Judith Orloff, M.D., "pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy and often dissipates when the 'real person' surfaces." We can conclude from these words that you can't really love someone until you really get to know them.
What is a "Real Person?"
A "real person," means the stage when you really get to know someone. Just because you like how your partner looks, or you have fun hearing them tell you jokes and funny stories, doesn't mean you know them yet. You are still high on lust.
Sex and Love Are Closely Intervened
The way sex and lust are intervened can be particularly confusing. Just because a couple has a cool Facebook profile, with racy photos making out, or some romantic selfie on a lake, doesn't mean they are going to last forever.
With Lust - You Feel Like on Drugs
One of the crucial differences between being in love and being in lust is the emotions you are going to feel. When you are in love, you are going to care if the person you are with is on drugs - when lustful, you are going to feel like you are the one on drugs.
Love is Connected with Empathy
The reason why you care about how the other person is doing and whether they are okay is that love is correlated with an increased amount of empathy. Empathy is what you feel when you are concerned for someone else - it is what every mother has for her kids.
Do You Love the Idea of the Person?
Another one of the fundamental differences between love and lust is whether you love the idea of a person, or whether you tolerate the reality of this person. The former is found in lustful couples, while the latter is found in couples in love.
You Are in Love When You Can't Stop Being With Your Partner
If you've just woken up in the morning, and your partner is still asleep, but you don't want to get up and just want to lie next to them - that is when you will know that you are in love. The very presence of your partner is enough to satisfy your emotional and physical needs.
The Amount of Sex You Have Can be Telling
According to the expert that was consulted on the subject, people in love want to have sex after going for a long time without seeing each other. This is completely different for lustful couples - people in that situation just want to have as much sex as possible.
The Inverse Relationship Between Sex and Intimacy
One of the most mind-boggling facts we can learn today is the inverse relationship intimacy has on the amount of sex in a relationship. As intimacy (closeness) increases, the amount of sex decreases. This is why some couples can even spend months without having sex.
There is So Much More to a Relationship
There are many different explanations why intimacy decreases the amount of sex people have. One idea is that there is just so much more to a relationship to having sex. In a relationship you are getting to know each other, you are sharing experiences, and you are both "growing up" emotionally.
You Don't See Your Partner As Other People Do
When you are in love with your partner, you can't see them as other people do. When you look at the love of your life, you see their essence, you can feel their energy. It takes a special amount of closeness to be able to see a person this way.
You Want to Know Everything When You are In Love
When you are in love with someone, you want to learn everything there is about them. You want to know their whole life biography. When in lust, you don't really have much of a conversation going on. You may even not know basic things about your partner.
There Is One Similarity Between Love and Lost
Here is a funny anecdote - when you are in love with someone, you want to be together all the time. When you are in lust - you also want to be together all the time. The difference is the motive - it is whether your wish comes from your mind, or from your hormones.
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