Men for all recorded history have been in a constant state of confusion when it comes to women. To a man, the fairer sex appears incomprehensibly complex. They seem to be incredibly moody, their hints that are meant to be obvious are as hard to pick up on as a needle in a haystack, and it seems that most of the time what they say and what they mean are complete opposites. And yet, man would be nothing without a woman or a girl.
Do I Look Fat in This?
Talking about a woman's weight is never safe territory, chances are she will either decide you're a liar or an a**hole. There is, of course, the distinct possibility of her concluding you are both. Good luck boys, and if yet ever figure this one out tell all the males you know they need any help they can get.
The Cleavage Detector
While it is by no measure an exact science, a woman's cleavage can offer an insight into her psychology. In saying this I wouldn't recommend you go and divorce your wife because she shows off a little too much cleavage, but it may warrant a little suspicion.
Decrypting Woman's Speech
Now we get to one of the most common points of confusion, interoperating what a woman says actually means. As a general rule, most questions are commands and "we need to" means YOU need to do that thing. And don't you ever fall for "You don't need to get me anything".
Colours, Colours, Colours Everywhere!
To men colours are simple there are three primary colours and if you mix them you get a secondary colour and add pink in there because it is distinctly different from red. To women, however, every shade is distinctly different being clearly discernible from all other shades and having its own name.
Basic Signs of Attraction
Many young boys as they grow up and begin to become interested in girls decide to learn some body language. From this they usually learn that open body positions are good, shielding is bad, and if they are playing with their hair you're doing great. It's not, however, always so logical.
She Will Remember Everything Bad You've Ever Done
Everything bad you've done or said will be remembered. Even if you didn't realise a joke went too far or you unintentionally said something that bothered her, she will remember. Whether she hides her hurt feelings or not you will eventually hear about it and pay for it.
Don't Try to Solve All Her Problems
When a guy has a problem he wants it fixed, and when a guy's friend has a problem to help out he wants to fix that problem for his mate. When a woman has a problem, she doesn't necessarily want it fixed, often because she doesn't even know what's upsetting her, primarily she wants to be comforted.
Chocolate, A Gift from God
Despite the frequency, unpredictability, and shrouded origins of a woman's bad moods we have been armed with one very potent and easy to use weapon. Chocolate. Always keep a stock of chocolate for emergencies, it's a necessity.
Respect a Woman's Preparation Time
Although it might be unfathomable to you how it can take so long and, furthermore, how she can say it'll ever only take her 5 minutes to get ready don't harass her. For your own help and wellbeing just be quiet and make sure you are ready in time.
The friendship between women is a truly mystifying thing. When they are on good terms you could be forgiven for thinking they are in an intimate relationship but when they are on bad terms don't even mention the others name. And don't try to keep track of who's on good terms and who's not, it changes too often.
They Know Men Know Nothing
Woman know how little men understand about them, but as far as they are concerned that is man's short coming. Woman believe they are simple creatures and it's most definitely man's inability to listen and notice the hints that's to blame for their inability to understand.
Woman are moody creatures great can change to horrible and back in a heartbeat, and that's on a good week. In this regard woman are looking for a man that can deal with them, without patronising them. Take their moods seriously but try not to be offended.
Apology is Always Easiest
Problems can arise from always apologising and not fighting for what you believe in, in a relationship. But at the same time when a woman argues with a man it is not about the problem that started the argument for long. Somewhere along the line she remembers everything bad you've ever done and it fuels her.
Do Whatever You Want
When she says this phrase, be warned, it's a trap. Doing what you want in that situation is the absolute worst thing you can do. Your best remaining option is to do whatever she wants you to do, or spoil her with dinner, flowers, and attention.
The Tip of The Iceberg
This is just the beginning men. The subject of understanding women is an uncharted expanse. One that forefathers have been trying to master for centuries and have made little progress. But you do not need to understand them to love them, and that is the most important thing you can do.
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