15 Things Your Mother Didn't Tell You About Men

Gigi Cummings November 14th 2017 Lifestyle
Oh men, what strange and wonderful creatures. Us women are constantly baffled and perplexed by the male species. How they can wander around the house mindlessly dropping wet towels on the floor and leave them there until eternity. Or how they are able to simultaneously play a sports video game while watching a live sports game on TV. The wonders truly never cease. If you are the type of woman who wants to know the intricacies of a man's mind. Here are some secrets about a man that your mother never told you.
Shake Your Groove Thing
If there is something that you have been dying for your man to get you, just do a little booty dance next time you are fixing him a sandwich while you are wearing only your underwear. He will be so mesmerized and drunk from the beers your gave him he won't even see you take his credit card.
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Fuel Up
If you want to save money on gas as well as lessen your carbon footprint on this earth, never let a man drive. You will save thousands of dollars a year by your guy not wandering around endlessly in the car because he will not ask someone for directions.
Customer Coma
Men have the ability to gently go in and out of a coma when they are sitting in a dressing room waiting for you to try on clothes while shopping. This sedative state allows them to retain fuel for making better decisions on which fantasy player to drop and which one to play, later in the week.
Lesbian Lover
Men are constantly in awe about how close women can be with each other. They imagine sexy pillow fights and raunchy topless sleepovers whenever they imagine a girls night in. 50% of men say they wouldn't mind if their girl had a lesbian lover, but only .1% can actually handle that in the bedroom.
Toilet Roll Super Powers
Apparently, according to science, putting a new roll of toilet paper on the roll is not just common sense, but a super power. And us women didn't realize that we are the only ones to possess this super power all along. Sorry men, we didn't realize our powerful capabilities.
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He Has No Words
According to studies, women speak about 7,000 words a day, while men only speak about 2,000. This is due to their minds being a bit more one tracked then a woman's mind. That or they can't seem to get a word in when their girlfriend won't stop talking.
Attention Deficit
When a woman falls in love with a man who is really really into a particular sport. She knows to make sure to plan extra girls trips and nights out, and even a trip home to visit her parents during the playoffs because he isn't going to even realize she is gone.
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Shiny Black Buttons
Men like to feel important and like they are capable of doing anything. This is especially true when it comes to fixing anything, building anything, and being completely up to date on the most complicated and newest technology, the more shiny black buttons the better.
Combover No Go
I think that men think they are masters of disguise. Either that or they think women are the dumbest people in the whole word. Because if men think they can fool us by strategically placing one or two hairs over the top of their heads to hide the balding, they are fooling no one.
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A Bear In The Bedroom
What is it about the male anatomy that causes a man to snore like a bear roaming through the wild in search of food? Women say it doesn't bother us, but we have just learned to completely cover every sound passage in our body while we sleep to the rhythms of the forest.
Bathing Suit Blunder
Women go through the agony of trying on swim suit after swim suit only to be disappointed about how we have to squeeze our bodies into the weirdest o shapes to fit the ever changing fashion trends. Men have two types of bathing suits: sexy-cool and horrific banana hammock.
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A Woman's War
It's pretty crazy how men are willing to go throw themselves into war at the drop of a hat, sacrifice their lives on the front line. But ask them to buy you tampons at the store and they run for the hills screaming. Don't even mention to them about your bikini wax unless you are prepared for them to faint.
Danger Cooking
Ask a man to cook up a nice Risotto, or a fancy soup and they will act like cooking is the most dull and pointless thing in the world. Ask them to barbecue up some steaks and instantly they become a master chef. Funny how you add fire and danger to something and a man becomes interested.
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Fashion Advice
Men are terrible at giving fashion advice, they don't see things in terms of fashion, they see things in terms of "weird boxy shape," or "dress that shows your boobs" The best fashion advice you will ever get from a man is to take your clothes off because he prefers you naked.
A Man's Mind
When a man is just sitting on the couch watching TV, or scrolling though his phone. Sometimes a woman will sit and stare at this creature and think about how cute he is, or annoying he is, and will wonder what is possibly going through his mind. The answer is nothing, men have mastered the art of nothing and love it.
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